He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
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Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
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Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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