I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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