I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
