is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
