Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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