So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize