the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
