i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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