Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
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