so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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