# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
