haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
