1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
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just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
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She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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