I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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