she woke up with a sticky ear
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
