i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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