I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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