Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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