Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
