saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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