I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Randomize
