I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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