you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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