Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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