I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
