all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
