chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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