11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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