Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
