you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
