What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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