My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
