she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
