Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
