I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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