Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
