I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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