he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
