sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
