i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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