she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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