shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
