Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
