Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
