um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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