a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
