Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
