I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
