Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
