i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
