At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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