im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
