if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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