so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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