I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
