im having a threesome with these popsicles
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
