Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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