his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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