they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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