I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
