I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
