Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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