I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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