But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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