best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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