Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
