Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
